Loving someone, and them being the first priority in your life... at the time its a wonderful thing.
In the first few months, you appear to be the only thing your other half desires, company, dreams, conversation.... 6 years down the line, 3 break ups (2 major), each of us having different short term relationships in the breaks.... I start to wonder if its me that causes all the crap in the relationship.
I wouldn't say i'm a selfish person, ever since I met my partner, i've known I had to take a side step for his beautiful daughter.
She is one hell of a little girl now, and has the world at her feet. I'll talk more of her in later blogs, but at this point, i'll explain that every single weekend i've been with said partner (I'll think i'll call him Mick from now on!!) - his daughter has 98% of the time been there.
I can handle this, I would never ever want it any other way. 2nd special woman in his life.
But just lately i'm not 2nd - 2nd is his writing, 3rd is his Pearl Jam European concert this year (to which I thought I was going to 3 out of the 10 gigs he's going too! and told if I messed up those 3 by being ill/complaining/moaning we were finished anyway!), 4th is his friend when he calls to go out for a drink every couple months when he's back from army duties, 5th is the old geezer in town - great man, he actually asks me if i'm alright out of ear shot of Mick some times when he comes rounds, sensing i'm not really happy!, 6th is probably me.. well i'm hoping.
We got together in August 2001 (26th) - met on the internet (*gasp,shock,horror*) - Friday 10th August 2001 - I saw a name, it intrigued me. I was so full of life then, just graduating from a horrible degree, said goodbye forever to my first love (and a couple flings) and had the world at my feet. 13:00 I messaged him..... no regrets now, but what if I hadn't???
He told me he couldn't talk until the sunday (on which day I found out he had a daughter - no problem from my side on that one) - two weeks later I drove over to meet him - have to be honest on first impressions, I wasn't impressed by the sandals, shorts and ben sherman t-shirt, but there was something different about him.
Quick synopsis of this 6 year stretch: -
First break up Oct 2002 - back together Feb 2003 - 2nd break-up April 2003 - (other relationships enter here!) - back together August 2003 - 3rd break-up March 26th 2004 - (I'm single all this time, he goes back to previous bit!) - back together Dec 2004 - to now!
So this is theorectically the longest stint in the relationship, but not the happiest by far.
Just writing that makes me wonder why I even bother remembering it.
He's never actually hit me, but there are times when he completely scares the %hit out of me, temper flying, shouting at the littlest of things - he can't control his emotions, and I don't hold that against him. He's not a bad man, he's not a bad father. I don't think he would cheat on me.
But everything is about him, our weekly change in food types (allergies making him ill!), where we go on weekends, what we do through the week. I just can't take anymore I don't think....
